“On the way of life i met you as a stranger… but your warmth and affection has touched my heart so deeply that you have become an inseparable part of my life… you are the one with whom i am free to share all my joy and sorrow… with you i am my true self… ”
–these were the lines on a greeting card i read long back when i was in school (some 18 years back)… these lines touched my heart so deeply that i read and read it again… till i engraved it in my mind… and from then i started looking for someone perfect to say these words…
Never realizing, that someone may be within me… it took me 18-20 long years to finally realize that these lines where meant for me… i am the inseparable part of me… my true self is within me…
Well, coming to the point. I have finally found the self love… I have found that, Life is a voyage of self discovery. To me, to be enlightened is to go within and to know who and what we really are, and to know what ability we have to change for the better by loving and taking care of ourselves.
unfortunately, i always kept a condition before loving myself, like, i will love myself the day i will look beautiful, the day i will loose weight, the day i will get a good job, the day i will get the raise, as silly as the day i will cook good… but believe me “the Day” never came…
Finally, i started loving myself the way i am. I may not be good for everyone, i may not be very soft spoken, my straight forwardness might hurt people, some may not like my cooking, some may hate my figure and my look, some may dislike my professional genre… some may even dislike my way of writing but WHO CARES!!! When i have myself to love me, to admire me.
Be selfish in loving you!
Despite all the things that you think may be terribly wrong with you, love yourself. Love yourself. Tattoo it on your brain. And not just in the superficial sense of self-love, like exercising regularly and watching less TV. It is time to really, fully and wholly love yourself top to bottom, inside and out. This is what i am doing today.
Choice is yours–
Every day, we are choosing. We may not choose our circumstances, but we choose how we react. In fact, the only thing truly within our control is ourselves and our choices. that’s all we have.
So even when other people hurt us, when our pain is the direct result of someone else’s choices, the choice is still ours whether we let that pain suffocate us, or if we let it go. Move on. Forgive.
For far too long, I felt the pain and emotional bruising from distant moments. Just for instance, i was a kid cricket player and every time i was kept as extra in team, every time i was sent with water for players, i get embarrassed… i felt hurt. Never realizing then that my day will also come.
I grew up, faced my such moment and gradually became pessimist. For far too long, I held onto resentment, blaming others for my choices. I should have long-since forgiven as sharply as if they had just happened yesterday.
10 year challenge–
Take a challenge today: Take a picture of your face and remember that in 10 years time you will be amazed at how gorgeous you were… So be amazed now… do not wait for future.
Be good to yourself, do things that inspires you–
Make a list. Grab your notepad or even your mobile phone and make a list of things you can do today to make you feel good. Keep adding to the list. Forgive yourself if you skip a couple and love yourself no matter how long or short the list is and how much you accomplish on it.
You will not be graded or tested on this list!
My list involves a lot of laughing. My “Feel Good” list also has: my Kathak practice, field reporting from terrorist camps 😛 , a long leisurely dinner with my other half (wont write better half!), staying up all night reading a book I cannot put down, playing with my little bundle of joy whole day long, leisure trip to Goa with my husband with nothing to do than just sitting on the beach, sleeping on my mommies lap the whole night, discussing all nonsense with my best buddy, buying everything and anything for my little love, having a tea on any high-way dhaba, long trip with whole and extended family (everyone in jolly mood) and the list goes on. The list might be hilarious but these is the feel good factor for me.
Do something every single day that makes you feel good, whether it is changing your thought patterns or taking a bath for hours. Maybe it’s getting an extra hour of sleep or staying up late and watching Shahrukh movie for the 50th time. Just do it.
Am i in love with me?
That’s not to say that life is fine and dandy as a result or that I don’t still experience deep pain. I endure bouts of crushing self-doubt very often. I torment myself with “what ifs” that have no right to take up head space.
I am still on the path to loving myself and to knowing and living my truth. I can say in all honesty that I love myself now more than ever, and I know I will come to love myself more deeply in the future.
What’s most important, however, is to remember “i am not perfect but i am enough”
note *You may not like my writing but that’s your choice, i am loving it entirely.